FYE

Life here in Alaska continues on, as adventurous as ever. I had my first offer of marriage from a passenger the other day. My passengers were asking me if I wanted to “see old age” in Alaska and I told them my heart was in California, but that I might like a summer home here. They then asked me what I was studying and I told them American Studies and one man teased, “Oh, well you’ll probably have a couple summer homes with that!” We all laughed and I told them I knew as a teacher I couldn’t fulfill the summer home dream, but that I was planning on marrying a billionaire. They laughed and one hilarious old man from Britain called out in his adorable, almost impossible to understand, thick British accent, “I’m very wealthy…would you consider having me?” HAHA. Everyone LOVED that. We all laughed as I told him I’d get back to him on that.

Today my roommate and I finally finished unpacking. Huzzah! Today is one of 2 days in the season where we don’t have any ships in. A bunch of us employees had a big bonfire last night and were able to watch the cruise ships sail out of the channel, cruising right past us with their lights twinkling. It was actually very beautiful. So Angelica (my roommate) and I slept in until noon today—gotta soak it up while you can…I won’t get many more days like that—and then got up and unpacked while listening to Presidents Uchtdorf’s and Holland’s most recent Conference talks. What a lovely way to start the day, even if it was at noon. Anyway, while cleaning I came across some precious specimens that I wasn’t sure what to do with and so decided to post here for me to have access to them always, and share with others who might appreciate them.

My cousin, Catherine, has a gift. She is a talented storyteller. Yes, storyteller. Many times when meeting up with her after a class, she would approach me with a sly look on her face and hand me a carefully folded bunch of binder paper, informing me that she had written me a story or note. Well, let me tell you, these were always the highlights of my day. So while unpacking today I came across some of my favorites that I had saved for future posterity and decided to share them with you. I hope she doesn’t mind.

April 7^th

The Duped Mouse

Once upon a time there was a beautiful girl with hair cut short and a skip in her step. Her name was Heather and she lived in a magical land called Freshonia. Freshonia was a beautiful land full of twinkling rainbows and giggling waterfalls. Mystical creatures abounded. Unicorns pranced in fields of pink grass. Pegasus flew in the skies full of cotton candy clouds and butter butterflies. Leprechauns ran around their pots of gold and patches of four leaf clovers.

One day Heather was merrily skipping through a field of singing flowers with puppies playing harps, harmonizing with the landscape. She came to a small meadow where she found a small mouse. This mouse, unbeknownst to her, was absolutely, clinically insane. There were very few evil, crazy characters in Freshonia so Heather didn’t even think that this was strange.

Well, this deranged mouse had been following Heather for a while. He hated happiness and cheeriness and Heather’s good spirits and loving kindness drove him deeper into his fits of insanity. This little mouse had devised a plan where he could stop Heather from spreading happiness where ever she went.

So Heather found this small mouse in the meadow. She looked down and addressed the creature with a sing-songy “Hello.”

The mouse then made his move. He jumped up and shouted, “Mwahaha! Oh you naïve joyful bombshell! You have fallen into my trap and now I will steal your happiness. Rattamwaha-rattamwahaha!”

Heather jumped back in terror and gasped at such a radical claim! She began to be terribly afraid and looked around for some sort of impending danger or doom that would steal her happiness. She waited in trembling tension for quite a while anticipating horrific things. The entire time the mouse was shaking with evil laughter, wringing his hands together hunched over in madness.

After a couple hours of this Heather got bored and impatient and said, “Look little mouse, I have a schedule. Are you actually going to do anything?” He paused and looked at her and was like, “You are in my trap! I have you here and am stealing your happiness!”

Heather then realized the mouse was so insane that he couldn’t even successfully plot a plan. She actually began to pity this creature cause he so convinced himself of the evilness and success of his plan. She decided to play along and in a very theatrical but clearly fake way began to thrash about screaming that happiness was leaving her. The mouse got so frenzied and excited and became happy!

After she put on this act she left the meadow and smiled cause the mouse had been duped. He wanted to stop her from spreading happiness when all he managed to do was enable her in this gift by becoming happy by her actions. He had been played and Heather went on her merry way and everything was magical and beautiful in Freshonia.

The End.

Lest you were worried that was the end of Catherine’s sheer skill, I am also included selected poems from her repertoire. The following were from a note she wrote me on March 3^rd entitled “Poems for Heather”

Poem 2

Ducks eat Broccoli.

Rabbits eat Beans.

I play monopoly

On your face.

Poem 3

My nickname is cat.

I think it is very phat.

Your nickname is Heath

cause it’s a shortened version of Heather.

And cause you’re also phat

(pretty hot and ticklish)

and cause you’re sweet like the candy,

Boom. You’ve been poemed.

Poem 4

This is a story of what you should do

If you follow these instructions you will go far.

It might involve a little poo,

And an interview with a tsar.

Beware of accidentally consuming a drink

And then trying to navigate a car.

These things can happen to us too.

So always avoid men named Lars.

Poem 5

Choc-o-late pie rocks!

Makes my tummy want to sing.

Creamy delicious!

Poem 6

Ample evidence would supply

That I love you more than pie.

Your laugh is like shaking tree,

It brings joy to you and glee to me.

Your left toe is like a human carrot.

of awesomeness, ferociousness, and skin.

I am honored to be related to you

Coo-coo Kachou.

Poem 7

Jump.

Dump.

Thump.

The sounds of a panicked monkey.

Mew.

Phew.

Stew.

The smells of a monkey dinner.

Ick.

Sick.

Tick.

The post-dinner monkey ache.

Love,

Catherine